Sober
by GingerCat17
Summary: After decades of closing herself off from love Carol finally lets Therese in.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own _The Price of Salt_ / _Carol_. No profit is made from this.

* * *

It was bitter on her tongue and fire in her throat. Hot flashes shook her body and she felt a bit dizzy. The alcohol was doing its work.

"It's not very polite to keep a lady waiting", Therese's soft voice sounded through the apartment.

Carol inhaled deeply. It was clear what her lover wanted tonight, had wanted for weeks, but had been denied every single time. And now Carol didn't know how to prolong it any longer. She faced herself in the mirror and saw perfection. Her blond locks still fell the way they did this morning, her lashes were as dark as the night and her lips as red as fire. She looked perfect, only she wasn't. She took another zip.

Carol was used to being in control. She had initiated their first conversation, their first date, first kiss. Carol _liked_ to be in control, even or particularly in bed. She treasured control more than anything because there had been so many moments where she had been robbed of it. And so when her ex-husband used to demand her as his wife and control was slipping right out of her hands she got plastered. It soon became a habit whenever she felt unable to have a say in a situation. She took one more zip.

She had never let a woman get too close. She wouldn't have been able to return to that farce she used to call life. She had never let someone make love to her, not even Abby, because she was too afraid to break down completely. Now, however, everything was different. Her marriage was through and everyone who knew them well enough knew why it ended how it did. There was no need to keep herself together anymore, but once you've mastered the art of control it is terrifying to let go of it. And so she took to old habits. One last zip rushed down her throat.

Nothing but the clicking of her pumps sounded as she approached the bedroom. She was not surprised to find Therese had already undressed down to her underwear. She had been sending her fiery looks all evening. Carol had just been unlocking the door to their apartment when she felt Therese's hands on her hips; something she never ever did outside their own four walls, but Therese had changed. She wasn't the insecure girl she was on their first night. Sometimes Carol wanted to ask if she had been with other women while they were apart, but then again, she didn't really want to know.

Therese pulled her down onto her lap and their lips connected fiercely. For a second Carol wondered whether she could taste the liquor on her tongue. Therese flipped them over and Carol felt like she was falling a thousand feet down. Her heart was racing for its life, her head became even dizzier. The lamps above her, the paintings on the wall, the entire room was swirling, forbidding even a single clear thought. Words of her former therapist ringed in her ear. _Abnormal_. _An abomination_. Images of Hargess flooded her mind, of his thin lips and rough hands on her. Only the lips on her now were so much fuller and the hands on her so much softer and a sense of guilt overcame her. It took her some seconds to realize that those lips and hands had left her. She opened her eyes and saw _her_ above her, her angel. "What's the matter?" Her voice was low and raspy.

"You're drunk."

She still couldn't believe how attentive her angel was. Hargess had never noticed.

"I'm not that drunk", she argued. She rose to kiss Therese and fumbled with her bra. Her movements were sloppy, but she tried her best to focus. She didn't like to disappoint.

"Stop it." Therese pushed her hands away, but there was no harshness in her grip, no malice in her voice. There was only sympathy and concern.

Therese rested her forehead against hers and all of her thoughts focused on the sensations of their skin connecting and it stilled the dizziness in her head. She let herself be lowered back down onto the bed. Therese moved them so they lay on their sides, spooned her and Carol had never felt more protected. She took Therese's hand to her lips and kissed every fingertip, whispering "I'm sorry. So so sorry" against them.

"It's ok, love. I understand", Therese whispered into her neck.

Tears rolled down her cheek and onto her lips as Carol tried to grasp how lucky she was.

…

The sun was only just rising when Carol felt a hand massaging her shoulder. Through half-closed eyes she looked up to a wide awake Therese who was smiling out from ear to ear. "Good morning, my sleeping beauty."

"Your good mood in the early mornings is really insufferable, you know?" She looked at the alarm clock. "It's five a.m. What could have possibly happened to make you so cheerful already?"

"You happened."

Carol was anything but a morning person, but that actually made her smile.

"Get up, honey", Therese whispered. She always kept her voice down in the mornings until Carol was truly awake. "Breakfast is already waiting and then we're going to go on a little trip."

Carol raised her eyebrows. "What a sly girl you are. What have you planned?"

"You're just going to have to wait and see", Therese giggled.

…

The mass of trees became one green blur as they drove past them just a little too fast. Carol leaned back comfortably in the passenger's seat. Therese had passed her driver's license just a couple of months ago and, much to Carol's surprise, she had a thing for speed. It didn't worry her, though. She knew just how far she could go.

They drove deeper into the woods until Therese stopped in the middle of nowhere right in front of a little cabin. They got out of the car and each took a suitcase out of the trunk. Therese unlocked the door and stepped aside to let Carol enter. The cabin was small with a kitchen area on the right, a fire place on the left and the bath as a separate room next to the kitchen. A large king-sized bed stood against the middle wall. Rose pedals were placed all over the covers. Red ones switched systematically with white ones. Candles were placed on both bedside tables.

It wasn't often that a woman like Carol was speechless, but now she was glued to the spot helplessly and she struggled to find words that matched her feelings. Soft arms wrapped around her middle and Therese rested her chin on her shoulder. From the corner of her eye Carol could see that she was watching her carefully. "You're amazing" was all she managed to say, but she needn't say more, because Therese knew; knew the ways in which she was used to make love. In mandatory sessions that lasted too long with the wrong person in a marital bed that never felt like one. In quick shameful sessions with the right person in shabby bathroom stalls or dark alleys.

"This is our retreat for the night. No telephone to interrupt, no neighbours, just the two of us." Therese placed a kiss on her cheek and went to grab her suitcase to unpack. Carol did the same although much slower as she still tried to catch up with reality.

After they finished unpacking they got comfortable on the rug in front of the fireplace. Therese sat behind her and invited her to lean back into her. Gently she played with her blonde curls. "Is this alright with you?", Therese asked.

"It's perfect, darling." It truly was and yet Carol felt anxious, like a girl before her first time. Her eyes drifted toward the bottles of liquors stored above the fire place. If she could just have a zip …

"You don't need that, Carol. You're safe with me." Therese put her hand on her abdomen and gently caressed her. "All I ever want is to make you feel good."

Therese's words broke down her walls and Carol turned to kiss her. Therese lowered her down and she felt overwhelmed by utter devotion and surrender. Yes, she wanted this. She wanted _her_. Their clothes were shed quickly without much ado. This was not about impressing, seducing, this was about love. Therese slid down her body, worshipping the soft skin with the occasional kiss. When she put her mouth to her core Carol gasped. "My God …" Every stroke brought her to new heights and soon she pulled Therese back up because … "I need you to hold me." And Therese did. A finger slid inside and her mouth fell open in a silent scream. Another joined in and made her bite into her own hand. She had never felt more vulnerable and, at the same time, never more complete. Therese picked up a gentle, but firm pace and rocked her to the rhythm of her love. Her teeth dug harder into her own skin when Therese pressed a thumb to her most sensitive spot and Carol learned that she didn't need liquor to get drunk. Her breathing was laboured as whimpers escaped despite her best efforts. "Let go." Therese gently pulled Carol's hand from her mouth. "Let go, beautiful." And when she did her vocal chords produced sounds she never knew they were capable of. Therese kept pushing her towards the edge and Carol was sure her body was going to burst, because this was more than any human could take, but she wasn't afraid. This time she trusted Therese to catch her when she fell.


End file.
